


I won't make you stay

by thefantasygoddess



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 09:00:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefantasygoddess/pseuds/thefantasygoddess
Summary: Here is just a little random Malex ficlet I wrote and originally posted on tumblr. Triggers: mentions of self harm.





	I won't make you stay

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone wishes I would be happy to write up a little prequel ficlet to when they met in high school and Michael learned of Alex's self harm. Let me know what you think!

Silence.

Other than the sound of their breathing neither of them had said a word for at least half an hour. It was the kind of silence that was comfortable; not at all awkward or for lack of anything to talk about. They were simply enjoying the closeness of one another.

Alex gave Michael a soft kiss on his nose.

Michael smiled as he began to rub his hand through Alex's hair.

“Must be doing something right…this is the third night you have stayed.”

Alex smirked.

“Don't act so sure of yourself, Guerin. It is always so late…”

“And you’re tired…that is what you always say.”

“It’s true.”

“Man why can't you just admit you want to be here?”

Alex did not immediately respond.

“I should probably be going…”

He began to sit up until Michael grabbed his arm.

“Why? You got somewhere to be?”

“I'm sure my dad will be wondering where I am…”

“Man fuck him! You are a grown man, Alex. When are you going to stop caring what he thinks?”

Alex thought for a moment. 

He hated his father. His father was a monster. He was hateful, abusive and ashamed of him. And yet deep down, Alex still sought after his approval even though he knew it was something he would never get from that man. He missed that opportunity the moment Jesse Manes realized before even he did that he had a gay son.

And from that point is when the real torture began. The criticisms, the beatings the verbal abuse. It was a living nightmare which caused Alex more pain that he could ever admit. It created a monster within himself- so much self hatred and internalized homophobia. 

“I’ve got to go…see ya, Guerin.”

Michael frowned.

“That’s it?”

“What else do you want from me Guerin?”

Michael grabbed Alex's arm again only this time he squeezed harder.

“I won’t make you stay…”

And with that he kissed the airman on the lips and released his grip. 

Alex searched the other man's eyes and bit his lip. He began to shake his head and he looked away.

“This hold you have on me…the way you look at me…”

Just a simple look was all it took for Alex Manes, decorated war veteran, to melt from the inside out. When Michael looked at him it took him back in time to when they first met and began a relationship- if you could even call it that. One thing was for certain, what they had, the connection was far from typical but it was unbreakable and unlike anything he had ever felt before. 

Silence fell over them again. 

Alex gave in and sighed. 

“I knew you’d stay,” whispered Michael as he began to press soft kisses along Alex's neck.

Alex shuddered.

Even though he had lost count of how many times they had been together in the last decade, Michael never grew tired of kissing, touching and exploring Alex's body. And he knew it well. Every freckle, mark and scar. Scars were something that Alex Manes was not short of.

Alex was never self conscious of the injuries inflicted upon him during the war. It was the experience that truly scarred him. He never spoke of it.

However, there were a different set of scars he carried from a different war that he was more sensitive about. When Michael brushed his fingertips over the perfectly lined set of scars on the underside of his arm, Alex flinched. Michael knew it bothered him- mainly that he knew what they were and how he got them.  
Michael wrapped his arms around the airman and held him tight, breathing him in.

“I still think about it sometimes,” whispered Alex.  
“Doing it again.”

“I know,” replied Michael. 

He could sense it. All the pain and anguish that he experienced in Alex when they first met would sometimes resurface in the present day. Alex hated it because that was not who he was anymore. He was an airman and a respectable war hero or as Michael had told him, “finally a real Manes man.” He did not have time for any of that emo bullshit he was all about in high school.

Michael tried not to make it obvious but every time they were intimate he would scan over his body looking for more recent scars. When he did find them occasionally, he kept it to himself.

“Not recently though?”

Alex did not answer. 

“Because you would tell me right?”

“We’re not kids anymore, Guerin,” Alex reminded him for the second time, the first being at the reunion right before Michael pulled him into the most passionate kiss that left him breathless. He touched his lips at the memory, they tingled for days after that kiss.

“I can take care of myself,” he finished, watching the other man closely.

Michael nodded but said nothing. 

“I'm sorry…” 

Michael waited for him to continue.

“About going off on you at the drive in…my dad was being a dick as usual. He was making comments on me being around you and-"

“That’s nothing new.”

Now that Alex had witnessed the horrors of war firsthand he had little left in life to fear, yet he still feared his father. Whenever Jesse Manes walked up to his son, a tiny part of him reverted back to being a little boy- the lost and confused teenager who hated the world. He feared what would happen if Jesse ever discovered that they were involved. He wanted to believe he would stand up to his dad- only this time deliver the punches instead of take them. He wanted to believe he would tell his dad how much he resented him and walk away, never to see him again. But he knew that was only in his head. 

Regardless of the abuse his dad put him through he still felt a revolting loyalty to him. A sort of Stockholm syndrome. He wanted to be brave and show his dad that he was more than just his failure of a son, but his equal. A man who was no longer afraid of him and his threats or his fists.

“Remember when we met?”

“How could I forget?” Michael answered. “Your emo stage and guyliner was a total turn on.”

“Shut up,” laughed Alex as he gave Michael a shove. 

“Nah man. I’m serious. So. Fucking. Hot.”

Alex rolled his eyes.

“And you had your macho, cowboy swagger.”

“You loved it,” Michael hissed in his ear. He flicked his tongue against his cheek and reached down to rub Alex's growing bulge. “Still do apparently.”

Alex gave in to Michael and let him have his way with him as he always did. He was so turned on by everything about this man. His touch. His scent. His beautiful curls. His expressive eyes, which behind lie so many secrets. He loved how possessive and dominant Michael was. He loved how when they fucked or made love (because those were two very different encounters) Michael always received consent, whether it be an out of breath “yes,” or nonverbal in the form of a nod or a look or the way Alex chased his tongue with his own after he could no longer stand the sexual tension.

Alex loved how Michael knew just exactly what to do with his hands. His tongue. Alex felt goosebumps sprout up all over his body. Michael was gentle and loving when he needed to be- but could turn around and be a sexual deviant, he was kinky and loved to hold Alex's hands down above his head and torture him in so many amazing ways until his entire body could not take anymore.

They both fell back onto the bed with a thud.

Silence. 

Each time since they got back together Alex wondered if this would be the moment those three little words would break the silence. 

‘I love you.’

But those words were never said.

He wondered if Michael thought about this too.

Michael pulled him into another passionate kiss and Alex was on cloud nine. All of his troubles briefly went away and he felt free and loved and safe. He could kiss Michael forever. But only in a perfect world.

Alex broke the kiss.

“I really need to go…”

Michael nodded. 

He did not want him to go but he also would not force him to stay. Little by little, Alex was staying longer and longer, in the beginning he would run off immediately after they were finished. Now it was apparent that Alex did not want to leave but felt he had to.

“Same time tomorrow?”

“We'll see, Guerin.”

Michael smirked. He'd be back.

‘You keep showing up like this I’m going to start thinking you like me.’

Michael smiled at the memory. 

Alex slowly began to get dressed.

“Please don't,” said Michael.

Alex crinkled his nose and looked at Michael confused.

“Don't what?” 

Michael stared hard at the airman, knowingly. His eyes were so open to everything. 

“Cut yourself,” he replied, as he grabbed Alex's hand.

Alex had not been completely honest earlier when he had told Michael he thought about doing it sometimes, and Michael knew it. In fact, Alex thought about it all the time and had come so close recently- so close in fact that he even hovered the blade inches above his skin- completely prepared to feel the sharp bite that so longingly tempted him after all these years. What stopped him was conveniently Michael had called at that exact moment. Almost as if he knew what he was about to do.

Alex gave him a reassuring smile.

“I won't.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please read and review!


End file.
